Feeling More Depressed After Doing Mindfulness Meditation

Living Room
#1

Hi,

I have been doing the 45 minute Body Scan from Jon Kabat Zinn’s first CD series of mindfulness meditations. I’ve been doing it everyday for about 5 or 6 days, and I’ve also tried CD2 (Mindful Yoga). I have been more depressed and just not feeling good since I’ve started doing the body scan meditation. JK Zinn instructs the user to do the meditations for at least 8 weeks to see if they’ve had any beneficial impact on your health, but I don’t know if I can continue on with feeling more depressed and apathetic.
Also, I have depression and severe anxiety to start with. I was trying this mindfulness CD to try and help ease my anxiety.

Thank You,
Shana

1 Like
#2

Hello Shana: I am a bit surprised that no one has answered you on this, as you are obviously having a hard time. I gather that you are trying to do the 8 week MBSR by yourself using the CDs? One of the drawbacks is not being able to get feedback from the facilitator and others when doing it in a group. As for your specific experience, based on my own practice (as a person diagnosed with chronic depression and episodes of severe depression for over 50 years) I can only tell you my experience of my first meditations, which was very similar to yours. – here goes: In the first days of meditation I became more aware of how depressed I was. When I brought this up to my instructor she replied by doing a ‘leaves in the stream’ guided meditation. The lesson for me was that I began to be able to start labelling my depressed thoughts, saying,’ I am not those thoughts’ as I watched tham float by. Now, 3 years later I am in Mindfulness teacher training and am almost depression free. Or, I should say, I experience my depression in a totally different way. So, I hope that you have access to a professional for help with the depression itself. If so, keep in touch with them about this issue. I am also curious what the more advanced practitioners and mindfulness based therapists here might have to say about your experience. Good luck.

1 Like
#3

Shania, I too had a hard time beginning.
I took the MBCT course in Mass.USA.Compleated 8 weeks in Nov. I noticed a profound shift in awareness after two weeks of doing the body scan daily.I was in a class ,and had support,but the work was self diercted and has shifted my experience of anxiety and depression. If you can get support,and stick with it ,you might find it helpful.
Much Metta, Eleanor Nettleton

1 Like
#4

Hello Shana
I’d like to add my strong recommendation to find a qualified MBSR/MBCT teacher to help provide a bigger perspective on your individual experience. Great that you posted. Mindfulness practice is often enough not fun or easy. Often it can feel like life gets worse before it gets better when we start paying attention to it. So main message is - what you’re experiencing is a common occurance. If your depression is acute at the moment it may be preferable to pause in the mindfulness practice and switch to a loving kindness practice or other heart practice which can resource us. To help you respond to the difficult times skilfully it is much easier with the support of a qualified teacher (as well as therapist). Take care Kathryn

1 Like
#5

First off, you are not alone. What you describe is very common.
Second, the recommendations and insights of the both Kathryn and Eleanor are prudent and wise; You could very well be more aware of something that is already there. Also definitely try to find yourself a teacher or guide. There are a few online options as well if travel or availability are issues. Steve Flowers is someone I can personally highly recommend.
I came to MBSR with anxiety and when I first started the practice it seemed to intensify. However, the more I practiced and familiarized myself with the course materials, I began to observe that there were ebbs and flows to the challenging feelings. In the moments where things were very strong I began to differentiate between being caught up in the feelings and NOTICING that I was caught up. In those moments I often came back to my breath as the object of attention so as not to feel overwhelmed. I then learned to allow the anxiety itself become something I could notice without feeling lost or caught up into it. When the intensity ebbed I made note of that. In the formal practice, practicing the noticing, over and over…
With patience, kindness and persistence I’ve stuck with the practice and it has been, for me, a healing and empowering process, but it is a process and it often takes time to become more familiar with it, become more skillful at working with it and maturing to the point where weathering the challenging moments is understood to be a healthy and natural part of not only the practice but of life.
All that being said, listen to your inner wisdom, perhaps consider a loving kindness practice to sooth and support yourself and as JKZ often says, please try to remember that if you’re breathing, that there’s a lot more that’s right with you than wrong with you.

All best,

Michael Morphis

2 Likes
#6

Hello Shana,

As a clinician, a long term meditation practitioner, and meditation teacher in clinical and traditional settings, I can tell you that what you’re experiencing is not unusual. I have found that is important that people who have current distressing symptoms (like depression) work closely with an experienced clinician to deal with the obstacles that arise - obstacles always arise. I suggest you discontinue this practice until you are able to find some ongoing guidance. - Best, Michael

1 Like
#7

Sorry for the late reply; I was out of town visiting family and I didn’t have internet access.
I had been trying to do the 45 minutes body scan, from JK Zinn’s 1st CD of meditations. I am going to see a LCSW in January, but I don’t think she will know about body scanning and mindfulness. BTW I have anxiety disorders, and I always thought depression was secondary to my anxiety problems, because with a lot of anxiety there’s a lot of things I can’t comfortably do.
I would like to take the 5 -day class in Florida in April, but I don’t think we have the money for it.
I live in Tarpon Springs, Florida, zip code 34689, and I couldn’t find any qualified MBSR/MBCT teachers in my area, not even in Tampa. If you know of any in my area, please let me know.
The only ongoing guidance that I think I’ll have access to is a LCSW who I’m seeing in January. BTW, I’ve seen many LCSW’s and they haven’t helped me; they’ve just been someone to talk to about problems. I can’t locate a MBSR professional in the Tampa bay area.

#8

Dear Shana,

You did a good thing to reach out to the community so pat yourself on the back. I practice in Thich Nhat Hanh’s tradition & the following is shaped by my experience. Mindfulness & meditation shouldn’t be a struggle— a challenge, yes, but not a painful struggle so I suggest some alternatives to you. But first, be kind to yourself & just accept that right now, it’s hard. That’s neither a good thing nor a bad thing, it’s just what is right now. You don’t have to sit on a cushion to practice mindfulness and in this case, I think you’d be better off if you took a different approach. Instead try to build mindfulness into your daily routine—when you wake up, take 3 breaths & know you are breathing in. When you brush your teeth, be focused only on that.etc. Try to focus your mind on what you are doing and don’t worry about whether you’re getting it right. Walking meditation is a wonderful way to increase your mindfulness and it helps me when I am anxious. Finally, 45 minutes is a long time so when you feel ready to experiment again with sitting, try to start with 5 minutes during which you are aware of every in & out breath, etc. Then build up to longer sits. I wish you well. With my smile, Janey

#9

As someone who has experienced long recurring bouts of depression and been
meditating on and off for many years ( both formal retreats, personal
practice, and weekly Sangha sits, walking, discussion format in the Thich
Nhat tradition, as well as the paying attention to the present moment
informal open awareness variety and have taken MBSR,) I highly recommend
Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy for depression specifically, which
combines the MBSR model with cognitive therapy geared specifically for
depression. The research has shown that people who participate fully have
less recurrence and relapse of depression and it works as effective or more
effective then anti-depressants.

The kicker is that is very hard to be depressed, while taking the class.
And is usually recomended that you seek counseling and or medication first
as I can personally relate to. I found that sitting meditation sometimes
felt like it was making it worse at first, because you are stopping, paying
attention, and feeling it. The body scan and guided yoga are what grounded
my new experience of being in my body as opposed to focusing what was
happening above my shoulders or tensely focusing exclusively on my breathe,
but it is different for everyone what makes it click. However In my
experience it is vital to have an experienced teacher guide you and in a
group setting, which you can not experience in an online setting,
especially if you are experiencing difficulties.

Side note:

I was so positively impacted by the MBST/ MBCT classes that I took the MBSR
Teacher practicum this past Fall to see if this was a possible vocational
path for me. I have been depression free for 8 months and feel I have
finally developed the understanding of my triggers, cause and effect, and
cycles that contribute to being stuck in depression. The self awareness,
compasssion, and other tools that are developed with a teacher and a strong
commitment to daily practice of the body work and Mindfulness Based
exercises, helped me to learn to take care of myself and because I am doing
that, I can benefit others around me.

I send loving Kindness to you on your Journey to freedom and well being.

Josh

.

#10

Hi All, and hi Shana,

I’m an MBSR teacher at the CFM. I’ve been away on retreat and returning to read this conversation has been heart-warming (and it is very cold in New England just now, so thank you!)

Part of our vision for this forum was to create a place where mindfulness practitioners can support one another independently, thus creating a virtual community that can meet people where they are. That is so clearly happening here!

Thanks everyone for your contributions, and for helping each other. Shana, how are things going now? I ditto what has been said by the helpful community members here, and hope that their wisdom has been of help to you.

Kindly,
Eowyn

#11

Hi,

I have only been practicing the body scan meditation on CD1 of JKZinn’s CD series. I’ve been doing it now for 7 days, taking Sundays off, since I got back from visiting family for the holidays. I don’t think there’s a MBCT or a MBSR group available in my area, so I’m sticking to JK Zinn’s series of mindfulness CD’s that I can rent from the library or buy if I find them helpful. I know there’s a 5 day MBSR retreat in S. Florida, but I doubt my parents would allow me to spend that much money on tuition and room and board.
I am already on an antidepressant, and I just doubled my dose, (from 50 mg to 100 mg ) because my psychiatrist wanted me to go on a much higher dose before I started listening to and doing the mindfulness CD’s, and I’m trying to get used to the side effects of this much higher antidepressant dose, which is double of what I normally have taken. It will be very hard to find a teacher in my area to guide me. I had once visited a Shambala Buddhist center and the teacher there taught a group of us how to meditate in their tradition, and he wasn’t much help when I started having problems with the meditation he taught us.

Things are going fine for me now. I have been practicing the 45 minute body scan on JKZinn’s CD for 7 days, taking Sundays off, as is suggested. My problem now is getting adjusted and used to the increased dose of antidepressants my doctor wants me to take for anxiety, which have a lot of unwanted side effects for me.

#12

Glad to hear you are doing ok and that J. K-Zinn’s cds are feeling workable
for you. Wishing you well going forward.

#13

This sounds like good news, Shana. Thanks so much for checking in. I assumed you live in MA, western MA, where there should be lots of support. Please stay in touch when/if some support would be helpful. In the meantime, I wish you peaceful steps. With my smile, j

#14

I live in Tampa bay, Florida.

#15

Hi Shana How are you getting on? I am revisiting this site and re -read what was true for you in January. sending you supportive thoughts Peace Eleanor Nettleton