Phlox and Tea
~ Carolyn West
This week Carolyn West, senior teacher and trainer for the Stress Reduction Clinic and Oasis Training Institute, offers another teaching from the flowers.
Here I am again…poised with cutting shears in hand in front of the stand of late-summer phlox, their cream and sherbet-colored petals in various stages of bloom. On this morning, I’ve decided to cut an assortment, leaving the stems long as would best suit my grandmother’s cobalt blue vase waiting on the narrow table in the entryway. What would surely seem a simple, without-fuss sort of task is, for me, infused with indecision and an uncomfortable but familiar quality of resistance.
As usual, I hesitate, slowly walking the arc of the bed, not once but twice, and then back again, all the while considering the options. Should I choose the ones freshly opened, their colors clear…at the peak of their bloom? Or should I, instead, cut those heavy with blossom and weighted to the ground by last evening’s rain, their underside flattened and now with a hint of rust? This one, small and hidden amongst the leafy stems of its neighbors, or this, inviting attention with its especially vibrant hue?
Even after many such seasons, I recognize this dance of indecision which to an observer might appear perplexing or most certainly inefficient; yet, unseen, is a sense I know well - what I really want is to have it both ways - all of the blooms - the garden just as it is - and a bit of its beauty inside; and layered underneath that particular wanting, is another still - this one more subtle, perhaps, but persistent… a wanting that these flowers will not soon in either place, begin to fade, dropping their pink and white petals until the stems, droopy and mottled with mildew, are left standing with crowns of beige and brown.
Eventually, I coax an assorted cluster into the vase, mostly letting them arrange themselves, and leave the others to the hummingbirds and butterflies that visit on these summer afternoons.
The wanting to hold on is so familiar, so human …whether to phlox, or the season, the scent of salt sea air, or the warmth of a child’s hug, the brilliance of this full moon or…
Even as I write, sunlight has moved across the desk and my cup of jasmine tea, once hot, is now cool on my tongue…